Why is it as humans we have the ability to hurt others without even realising it? I’ve been thinking on this one for a while but never actually managed to work it out. I’ve experienced this one so many times in the past, and this is something that has just come up again. The ones we love the most seem to be the ones who have the power to hurt us the most. We always put faith in love, but when it comes down to it, love is always the root to all heartache.
This is a for instance that has happened to me recently. My partner goes on a site called ‘meet me’, and he doesn’t seem to realise that him looking and talking to other women while I’m sat next to him affects me so much. I look over and there he is on that site again. Every few minutes his phones goes off and its that bloody site again. Whenever I see him on that site I start having panic attacks, and my head keeps kicking off, and I feel like I’m not good enough for him anymore, or that he is getting bored of me. I have no way of being able to explain this to him without him going off on one. The last time I spoke to him about this kind of thing he lost his temper at me.
But then at the same time there are little things that he does that he doesn’t realise he does that makes me smile and realise why I have been with him for over a year. Like when we are asleep at night, there is never a moment when he isn’t touching me which comforts me. And when I’m feeling down without even saying anything to him he just pulls me over and cuddles me, or rests his head on me as if to say ‘I’m here darling’. We aren’t one of these sickening lovey dovey couples you see about, but then at the same time we are still all lovey dovey in our own way. In the past I’ve always found that after 2 or 3 months the spark has gone, and the butterflies disappear, but with him they don’t. We have been together for a year and 3 months on the 17th, and although we have had our ups and downs, we have always managed to get through them and come out better for it the other side. We have compromise, and our relationship is one of those that you get when your on your second marriage, after you’ve made all the mistakes that go wrong.
I love him to pieces, and I know that deep down in my heart he is the one I’m meant to be with for the rest of my life. I still get the butterflies whenever I see him, and I still go all silly and girly whenever I hear his name, and I still get a stupid smile on my face whenever I get a text from him. All these things put together just make me realise that although he has his flaws like everyone else, I’m lucky to have him as my man and have him in my life. I know that people think that if the relationship isn’t perfect it isn’t worth it, but a perfect relationship doesn’t exist, and they would get so bored after a while that they would crave an imperfect relationship and an imperfect man.